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HURT COMICS: Word Almost Fail Me...Almost

roaring dragon, spore, monster friday
So King shows me the new Supergirl action figure, based on the art of Michael Turner. I am not a fan of Turner's art, and I find the comic skeevy as fuck, although I'll allow that it looks real pretty colored. But the dude's tenuous grasp on anatomy has completely eroded and his art is falling down a cliff of WTF.

I think Turner is another one of those artists who makes aspiring artists go "Psst! I could do that." It's a lot of boobs and poufylips and fiddle faddle rendering. Turner doesn't make it look easy, he, like many Image-spawned artists, makes it look like if there's enough foo-foo any number of sins will be overlooked.
I still think the right sculptor, and the right quality control person could've gotten a better sculpt based on Turner's work. I am smacked that the Supergirls that came out late last year were so bad they were recalled (retailers only had to send back heads for credit), and yet this is okay:


Supergirl copyright DC Comics, snarky commentary mine

This figure reminds me of when, in the late 90's, Diamond would underwrite any schmoe's action figure costs, and we got stellar pieces of plastic like Warrior Nun Areala. Imagine someone four hundred years from now looking at some of these toys trying to figure that shit out. Imagine the puzzlement of the foreign factory worker making them.

Comments

( 84 comments — Leave a comment )
kalinara
May. 21st, 2006 05:51 am (UTC)
All I can say is:

No wonder Clark digs human women. Egads.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 07:56 am (UTC)
Just for you:

(no subject) - kalinara - May. 21st, 2006 09:50 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - galbinus_caeli - May. 21st, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
From Galbinus_Caeli's spousal unit... - fierce_rabbit - May. 21st, 2006 10:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: From Galbinus_Caeli's spousal unit... - divalea - May. 22nd, 2006 06:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - divalea - May. 22nd, 2006 06:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - coridan - May. 21st, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
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arcana_j
May. 21st, 2006 05:56 am (UTC)
SWEET JEEBUS!
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:37 am (UTC)
I know.
spiderfarmer
May. 21st, 2006 05:56 am (UTC)
un.freaking.believable.

*sigh*
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:36 am (UTC)
It's pretty grim.
vonandmoggy
May. 21st, 2006 06:32 am (UTC)
OH DEAR GAWD!

And this is one of the last things I'm gonna look at before bed??

If I have nightmares, yer gonna hear about it. ;)
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:36 am (UTC)
I'll blame the rarebit.
jarodrussell
May. 21st, 2006 06:33 am (UTC)
Isn't there another one, with a black and silver costume?

Not just a almostnaked!Supergirl. Oh, no. A naughty almostnaked!Supergirl.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:35 am (UTC)
How do we know Supergirl's evil? Her strap-on.
si_fuller
May. 21st, 2006 06:39 am (UTC)
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
I take that back, Salvador Dali!
thebfg
May. 21st, 2006 06:59 am (UTC)
I can only assume that, before receiving her superpowers, she was tortured by being stretched on the rack and it was this traumatic experience that led her to fight evil. Her misriff has to be like that because she's got lots of guts! Ba-Dum-Bum!

These and other bad jokes brought to you in association with Sleep Deprivation.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
It's not any worse an origin than Cassandra Cain Batgirl's.
vassilissa
May. 21st, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)
She looks like a *giraffe*.

A giraffe with Botox and eyeliner.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 07:02 pm (UTC)
Tee hee, the icon goes so well.
joecrow
May. 21st, 2006 10:41 am (UTC)
man what...

OK, in theory, these people have seen human women before, yes? Or are we importing art-droids from Planet Giraffulon? And what's with the malformed torso?

Dang.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:31 pm (UTC)
The torso is what gets me. It's hideous.
trecomics
May. 21st, 2006 11:59 am (UTC)
All I can say is...
WHUTLOL
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC)
Re: All I can say is...
LOLLERSKATES!
mattg
May. 21st, 2006 12:40 pm (UTC)
Ugh... don't get me started on Michael Turner. I wish someone would teach that man how to draw eyebrows!
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
Of all the problems in his art...eyebrows?
(no subject) - mattg - May. 21st, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - divalea - May. 21st, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
jbacardi
May. 21st, 2006 12:56 pm (UTC)
I wish someone would teach him how to draw...period.

I couldn't agree with you more on this one, Lea- she looks like the love child of Plastic Man and Nicole Richie.

You made one teeny mistake on that funny Superman/SG cartoon, though- you drew her anatomy in perspective! ;)
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)
Actually I didn't. I purposely drew SG with a really common mistake--you can see both breasts and both buttcheeks at the same time.
(no subject) - jbacardi - May. 21st, 2006 06:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - divalea - May. 21st, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
the_kiggy
May. 21st, 2006 01:14 pm (UTC)
Siegel, Shuster, Weisinger, Swan, etc. must be spinning in their graves.

Damn Time-Warner.

oh, and Sister Rosette can kick Areala's scrawny a$$ any day.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)
SAINT SAM SAYETH SO!
doodlesthegreat
May. 21st, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC)
Her face...

That's the face of a meth addict in the final stages. She looks like someone I expect to be at a truck stop in San Bernardino, trading blowjobs to truckers for hits.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
I Googled pix of meth addicts and the funny just went out of my life.
Maybe the figure isn't thaaaaat bad.
(no subject) - doodlesthegreat - May. 21st, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - divalea - May. 22nd, 2006 06:53 am (UTC) - Expand
mark_argent
May. 21st, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC)
Imagine the puzzlement of the foreign factory worker making them.

That image has never failed to bring a smile to my face, regardless of the consumer good in question.

I always liked the animated Supergirl design.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:17 pm (UTC)
I imagine factory workers sitting around going, "该死的什么腐败文化。" ("What a corrupt culture. Dayum.")

I like the animated Supergirl design, too. Best one of the lot.

(no subject) - jbacardi - May. 21st, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
bitpig
May. 21st, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
Yuk. Curt Swan would puke.
(Deleted comment)
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)
Oh holy shit, hahaha:

doronjosama
May. 21st, 2006 04:20 pm (UTC)
Man, that is one ugly-ass action figure. Bet she can't even stand up! Supergirl also needs to eat some fucking pie and mashed potatoes, like yesterday.

Tragically, Diamond didn't underwrite the Warrior Nun action figure line so we can't blame them for those. Oh no, those toys all had to be paid for up front by AP, which meant thousands of bucks going to China for prototypes and figure manufacturing. @_@

divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC)
Supergirl here reminds me of some pix I found online of Kirsten Dunst being all sexay with her famine-victim ribs sticking out. Yikes.
(no subject) - doronjosama - May. 21st, 2006 07:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - divalea - May. 22nd, 2006 06:54 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - onionhead1 - May. 28th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC) - Expand
crowhen
May. 21st, 2006 04:25 pm (UTC)
You know, if I drew a picture like this or made a figurine like this, no one would give my work a second look because of the craptastic anatomy.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
Word.
mothos
May. 21st, 2006 06:12 pm (UTC)
It's like an anorexic Tara Reid.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
More like an unholy union of Tara and Paris:



Tara Reid looks like an anorexic Tara Reid.
(no subject) - doronjosama - May. 21st, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - divalea - May. 22nd, 2006 06:57 am (UTC) - Expand
mrcaxton
May. 21st, 2006 06:39 pm (UTC)
I am recoiling in horror.
These are truly the End Times.
divalea
May. 21st, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC)
You don't believe in G_d, so you don't get to have an Apocalypse, End Times, Chiliad, Tribulation, or nothin'.

Nyaaaah.
(no subject) - mrcaxton - May. 21st, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - divalea - May. 21st, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
uniformgrey
May. 21st, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
YARGH.

Whenever I saw a Turner female full-body shot I wanted to squish the body together to make the proportions at least a BIT tollerable.

Could someone tell him that the belly-button to crotch ratio ISN'T that high? That drives me insane not to mention the lets-add-3-more-feet-of-torso or the fact that all his female faces are THE SAME.

But try telling ANY of that to a Turner fanboy and oh no no no! What are you talking about? HE'S SO GREAT! *face palm*

I'm sorry, but I don't care how well known some one is - shit is shit.

And that toy? *shudder* Especially since I just put someone down for a Super Girl figure along with another toy for her god son who collects figures and that *thing* might be what comes in.
divalea
May. 22nd, 2006 07:01 am (UTC)
I am reminded, tangentally, of the horrified looks on proper mommie's faces when they saw my L'il Darling with a Duke Nuke 'Em action figure. Watching them try to grind out the words of agreement that at least it was better than a Barbie was hi-LAR-rious.

We avoided Barbies for a while. Then, she got one, and nothing happened. By nothing, I mean she let Godzilla and Barbie play together and gave them Maori face tats with Bic pens.
(no subject) - onionhead1 - May. 28th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC) - Expand
sw_inku
May. 21st, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC)
OMG. that is HORRIBLE! I am saddened. I used to collect action figures when I was but a wee fangirl. That is some of the worst anatomy I've happened to see on one.
divalea
May. 22nd, 2006 07:02 am (UTC)
I try not to buy action figures, because the bastard things breed like rats.
(no subject) - sw_inku - May. 22nd, 2006 07:04 am (UTC) - Expand
odditycollector
May. 22nd, 2006 07:27 am (UTC)
Oh, man. I can't believe they are actually making that thing.

I saw a picture of it before, but I had managed to successfully repress it... at least until NOW. So, *thank you* < / sarcasm >.

You know, if forget she's supposed to look human, she could be a freaky lizard being. A *badly designed* lizard being, sure, but at least it'll explain why the abdomen looks prehensile.
divalea
May. 22nd, 2006 07:30 am (UTC)
Like she's a naga, maybe? That would explain a lot.

I think whoever's in QC at DC needs a one-legged stool, 'cause they're sleepin' on the job.
notalabel
May. 22nd, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
Mr. Turner needs to throw away the cross-dressed Stretch Armstrong he's using for reference, get out of the house and observe what real women look like.

And someone needs to let Ed Benes know that a woman's waist is not skinnier than her thighs. Gail had a faaaaaaaaaaaaaar superior art partner on Killer Princesses! *PLUG!*
( 84 comments — Leave a comment )

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